goodbye.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:12
#1
goodbye.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:12
#2
I have spent a few months on these boards, hoping to connect with decent, progressive people with simiar interests. I have spent four years in Vancouver trying to make connections, but as I've already posted in an earlier thread, nothing I've done has worked.
In recent discussions on babble, in topics ranging from inappropriate radio ads to ballpark demolitions, I have been met with constant abuse and told to 'get a life'.
I'm starting to realize I am not an intelligent or likeable person, and the best thing to do would be just pass on life altogether. I don't belong anywhere, on-line or off-line.
Goodbye.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:19
#3
VanMan2000, I don't think you can take the occasional biting comment on a political discussion board as evidence that you're not intelligent or likeable. I've been told a lot worse than that, and I consider myself quite brilliant and charming. [img]biggrin.gif" border="0[/img]
Seriously, though...I remember that thread where you were talking about your feelings about Vancouver. I think it's perceptive to note that if you feel that you're having problems connecting with most of the people you meet, that it might be time to do some personal inventory and see how much of it is due to your own attitudes and behaviour.
However, I don't think that means that you should conclude that you're not likeable and not intelligent. You have made some good contributions to the board, and I would be sorry to see you go. It does get rather rough and tumble here, but that's just the nature of political and current events discussion. It doesn't mean that everyone hates you, or that you're a bad person.
I hope you'll reconsider.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:20
#4
remind
Call someone and get help please. If your message means what it says, making a choice to end ones life is not a solution.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:21
#5
Whoooah!!! Harsh, buddy! Not to be rude, or uncaring, either, but you need to get some help— someone to TALK to, y'know?!
That kind of talk concerns me!!
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:24
#6
Also: passing on life altogether is never the best option when you're feeling low. Please seek help if you're seriously considering doing anything irrevocable.
This is a Vancouver crisis and distress line, if you need it. Things often look a lot more manageable when you talk it over with someone.
[i]The 24-hour Distress Line is available to people in crisis and others who may know of people in crisis.
604-872-3311[/i]
[url=http://www.crisiscentre.bc.ca/distressline.htm]Crisis Distress Centre[/url]
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: Michelle ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:26
#7
Keep talking, bud. Do it here or do it somewhere else. But please, keep talking.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:28
#8
Yes, please keep talking to us here, if you aren't already talking to someone on the phone.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:29
#9
I have a friend who recently immigrated from China. Almost two years ago his wife left him, and he never managed to make any friends. The first thing he did when we met was, basically, cry for help. A couple of days later, he told me calmly that I wouldn't see him tomorrow because he wouldn't be alive.
Now he is still thankfully alive and successful in doing something similar to what I am doing, and much happier. He is no longer obsessed about his wife and he has friends. It's more than a year later. There is a way out, it just takes time.
PS The distress center and the hospital are still good places to recover, whatever cuts may have traumatized them.
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: Mandos ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:30
#10
quote:
I'm starting to realize I am not an intelligent or likeable person, and the best thing to do would be just pass on life altogether. I don't belong anywhere, on-line or off-line.
You can talk to me. You can post here, or PM me.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:33
#11
I daresay what Hinterland wrote would apply to many of us on this board, VanMan. Please, please, don't do something rash! If you don't wanna talk in public, them PM somebody.
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: Hephaestion ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:35
#12
I have to go for a while - I'm late for somewhere I have to be (or was supposed to be at 7:30). But there are lots of people here who will talk this through with you if you need it, VanMan2000. Normally I wouldn't bother announcing that I'm leaving, but it occurred to me that you might send one of us a private message, and I didn't want you to think you were being ignored if you were to do so.
I really hope you're talking to someone right now.
Tue, 2004-10-05 20:47
#13
Bumping this. Are you reading this right now, VanMan2000?
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:02
#14
I hope your reading this thread VanMan
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:03
#15
remind
There has just been a man taken down from a bridge in Vancouver. They were able to talk him down and to get help.
Here is hoping it was Vanman!!!!!
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:06
#16
Where did you see this?
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:08
#17
remind
BCTV 5 pm news first thing
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:08
#18
Please do not speculate on this thread. We're trying to get Vanman to respond, ok?
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:09
#19
I'm very intrested in annoynimity so normally I wouldn't suggest this but mabye one of the moderators who have acess to e-mail accounts could e-mail VanMan directly? This is very serious.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:11
#20
How about everyone shut up.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:11
#21
I'm not suggesting they put it up on here, I'm just saying if Audra or Michelle or whomever else can do that they probably should.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:11
#22
I think we should keep this thread focused on trying to contact VanMan2000 instead of making wild speculations. I know everyone is concerned, but I think the best thing we can do is be here and listen or offer encouragement without being judgmental. BTW, I don't think anyone was necessarily being judgmental, that was just a general comment.
VanMan2000, if you're reading this, I don't remember whether you told us you were married. For some reason I'm thinking you did. Of course, things change, so if something has changed, then forgive me for mentioning it. But if you do have a loved one you can contact, I hope you'll do so. Or the distress line.
We all want you to be okay.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:18
#23
Vanman - I lost a child who took his own life 16 years ago, very unexpectedly. He was 2 days from his 20th birthday. I believe he felt similarly to you (from what you say here), but from what his friends, relatives and myself saw - he really, really was loved and had a lot to give. There are real physical and emotional reasons to feel as bad as you do. You may not belive it now, but there is tangible help available. I add my voice here to beg you to keep talking to us here, and find someone on your end as well. We're here for you!
As well as losing out on never seeing those beautiful mountains again, and never seeing how your life could turn out, it's not worth the pain you may leave behind for any relatives and friends you would leave behind. Believe me, I know from experience - the grief is like a bomb dropped on me. I'm still recovering.
Most of all, though - you are No. 1 here. Take care of yourself - do whatever small thing you can right now to pull out of this. We love ya cause you deserve it just cause you're you.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:36
#24
VanMan,
We all feel really low sometimes. Sometimes the world is just too much, other people seem like big assholes and no one seems to care. But this is not true I think most people care. But the weight of the world is just too much at times, it doesn't mean that trying to improve the world is pointless though. You've got to keep mustering through it. If people stop then nothing will ever get better. Utopia might be impossible, but happyness isn't a goal that should be jettisoned.
This is important in relation to you because things are going to be imperfect. But so long as you try you know that you've fought the good fight and thus you can be proud of yourself no matter how much 'importance' one can place on your actions. I say this too you because you are a 'bleeding heart' who wants to make things better. So please remember this. I know many people here aren't Christians but I think this quote from Timothy 4-6:8 is a good one:
"I've fought the good fight, I’ve finished the course, I’ve kept the faith.”
You seem to truely care. This is important cause no matter what you believe when you die I think you can apply this. You care! Your a good person! And you deserve to be here!
So don't do anything rash. Get some help and talk it through. People will miss you, and people do care about you.
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: Vansterdam Kid ]
[I have to leave now I don't normally announce it either but I don't want any misunderstandings to occur] - Also I slightly altered the second paragraph cause it didn't make sense.
[ 06 October 2004: Message edited by: Vansterdam Kid ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:45
#25
VANMAN2000,
I wish you re-think your good-bye. I understand your feelings and respect them. The internet is inpersonal, people are in a front of a screen and clicking on some buttons and focusing on making an argument. Some want to "win" arguments at almost any cost.
It becomes sometimes like a video game. Very often we lose sight of the fact that it is a human being somewhere that we are "targeting": a very decent human being, no less intelligent than we are, no less capable of good ideas and insight. A man or a woman who is "the very best mom", "the very best dad" "brother", "sister", "friend" to someone. Yet, on the interenet he or she is reduced to a "dumb", unthinking imbecile.. by someone who wants to win an argument or wants to put someone down in order to feel "superior".
The feelings that you expressed, Vanman2000, have been routinely felt by many, many "debaters" on the internet. You mustered courage in expressing them. Courage that many, in their "high view of themselves", in their "illusion of grandeur" fail to muster.
You do not lack intelligence, you do not lack sociability. You do not lack anything that others have. Write what you want, debate, give your opinions. You are not seeking public office or trying to attract votes. Those who like what you say, fine. Those who do not like what you say and respond politely and with courtesy, fine. Those who try to personally attack you or treat you as less intelligent, to hell with them.
I say, please come back, Vanman2000.
Lacabombi
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: lacabombi ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:50
#26
VanMan, none of this is reality. The only things that really matter are truth and beauty, to enjoy the beauty hidden in a crowded street, or the truth of a summer afternoon.
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:54
#27
I really don't know what to say - I won't even try to say much... VanMan2000, if you're upset, worried, angry, whatever, call that crisis line. They'll help. Please do call them, rather than something more... permanent. [img]frown.gif" border="0[/img]
Tue, 2004-10-05 21:57
#28
VanMan2000, a lot of people are telling you not to do it, and of course, they're saying that because they are very worried and want you to be okay. However, I know it can also be intimidating to see a ton of posts with "don't do it!" in them.
I called the crisis line that I posted above to ask for advice. And they told me the best thing we can do is to listen, without telling you what to do, without pleading, and be here to talk it through with you and hear what you have to say.
So (to everyone else), maybe it's time to be calm, give VanMan2000 time to talk to us without inundating him with our very well-meaning pleas. He knows now that we don't want him to commit suicide so I think it's time to stop pleading with him not to do so. (That doesn't mean that you can't post supportive stuff though - I'm not trying to chill people off of posting.)
We can keep bumping this thread, to let him know that we care and want him to contact us and let us know if he's okay.
We will listen without judgment, VanMan2000.
[ 05 October 2004: Message edited by: Michelle ]
Tue, 2004-10-05 22:21
#29
I'll check in here tonight if you want to talk, VanMan 2000. I stay up late. I read some of your posts where you talked about some of the difficulties you've been through. Just to let you know if you want - we're here to listen.
And I concur with Michelle about listening with no judgement.
Tue, 2004-10-05 22:52
#30
Just checking in.
Tue, 2004-10-05 23:35
#31
Still here, willing to talk and to listen.
Tue, 2004-10-05 23:42
#32
VanMan, all I can say is that life is as prescious as it gets. Breathe the air and try to feel the times that made you happy.
I am not the most liked person on this board but reading the honest and real messages of caring posted by so many Babblers you gotta believe that while we are all opinionated (sometimes too opinionated) when it comes down to it we undertand that we are all just human. We have to care for each other and you are a fellow Babbler...we care for you. Seek help...or post ..we want to listen.
Wed, 2004-10-06 00:17
#33
Agent 204
VanMan, please don't do anything rash. If you don't feel comfortable talking to us, do find somebody.
We care.
Wed, 2004-10-06 00:30
#34
If it's helpful to know there are some of us who have been in a similar place and it does get better.
Wed, 2004-10-06 00:36
#35
Benn there, done that, have the scars and the remains of the drinking problem
It can and does get better and places like this surprise you with caring.
Im sure even macabee's fiercest foe here would give him kindess in a dark time and vice versa
Talk to us
Wed, 2004-10-06 00:45
#36
Vanman we talked before when you were feeling a little lost a few months back. I have not been posting regularly but I have noticed you have been missing in action, and have looked for your comments particularly on the BC political stuff.
You're a great contributor here and you obviously have some valuable things to say ,so stick around.
Wed, 2004-10-06 00:50
#37
Just checking in again. VanMan 2000, are you there?
Wed, 2004-10-06 01:49
#38
quote:
In recent discussions on babble, in topics ranging from inappropriate radio ads to ballpark demolitions, I have been met with constant abuse and told to 'get a life'.
I certainly hope the moderator is taking notes on how to improve the board. The constant abuse is at the very least irritating.
Wed, 2004-10-06 02:01
#39
VanMan.
Dude, I like babbling with you. You seem like a smart and reasonable guy. We're all here for you bud and we've got your back.
I hope you're coming back.
Wed, 2004-10-06 03:41
#40
VanMan—
I am on the same clock as you (11:35 right now, PT), and I will be up *most* of the night (hey, I'm a night owl...) By the time I crash, the east coast will be coming back on. There will be *someone* here all night, if you want to talk.
And you can still PM me if you'd like. Like I said, I'm up all night, and I wouldn't mind at all.
We really [i]do[/i] give a damn, buddy. And we're here for you.
Wed, 2004-10-06 03:47
#41
please...stay!!!! we want you!!!
Wed, 2004-10-06 04:20
#42
Checking in once before I go to sleep. I hope you stay with us VanMan 2000.
Wed, 2004-10-06 05:29
#43
VanMan2000, just checking in this morning.
And grateful for a baseball chat any time. Thanks for starting that thread.
Wed, 2004-10-06 07:30
#44
Just woke up, and hoping that we hear something from VanMan2000 soon.
Wed, 2004-10-06 07:52
#45
VanMan, like skdadl and Michelle, I get up early - it is the wee hours in Vancouver. Life can be very, very hard. I hope you are ok and remember we are thinking about you.
Wed, 2004-10-06 08:40
#46
Good morning Van Man like so many other Babblers I too got up this morning and came directly here.
I hope the morning has brought some sunshine into your day. We here continue to stand with you buddy. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Wed, 2004-10-06 09:27
#47
Hey there VanMan. I'm hoping you're reading this this morning, which would be a really good thing.
It's important for you to talk to someone. If it's too hard to come back to this thread, I would try the crisis centre, just because someone is definitely there to answer. You could also PM anyone you are comfortable with on this thread. I'm going to be away from the computer for large chunks of the day, so I might not be able to respond quickly, but I would certainly like to hear from you.
Wed, 2004-10-06 12:44
#48
PLEASE, for the love of God, don't do this.
Wed, 2004-10-06 15:26
#49
Hi Vanman. Please check your PM's.
Wed, 2004-10-06 15:30
#50
VanMan—
We're still out here, hoping to hear back from you.
Rasmus is right; if you would rather speak to others, that is fine. Just [i]please[/i] leave us a message to let us know that you are doing so. We are waiting for you to drop a line, and we will keep checking back.
As well, I am on my one-week-on schedule at work, and will be on-line (even not if at rabble/babble) [i]almost[/i] constantly right through till Tuesday (and yes, I keep *late* hours). Any PM you send me will alert me via a noise from my e-mail. You can contact me privately at *any* time, and I will respond as soon as humanly possible.
We all look forward to hearing from you soon.
Wed, 2004-10-06 16:19
#51
If you thought that you had no friends; no one to turn to, I hope this thread shows you otherwise.
We are all here if you need us.